i love these i have a folder dedicated to them
this is my favorite subgenre of post-ironic memes
discount memes are the future
more of these (x)
if pineapples makes your cum sweet and pizzas makes your cum bitter then hawaiian pizza should make them cancel each other out and produce Pure Cum
No, it’s Pure. glee-is-fail
This is the one time of year that I love wasps.
Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.
Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.
The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.
I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.
The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.
So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.
Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.
I tried to reblog this with a witty tag, but Tumblr took it as serious advice:
How to fix all problems in Five Nights at Freddy’s. Either that or, y’know, quitting after the first night!
(No, Pirate Cove guy, you don’t get anything. >:C)
alright now i used to hate pitbull because it seemed like the right thing to do but you know what i never hear him doing fucked up shit. as far as i know he is really just out there living life ,enjoying himself, visiting walmarts, and spreading the cubano party into the hearts of everyone around the world, he is mr. world wide and hes having a blast and i respect and love that pitbull. pitbull if youre reading this thank you and im sorry
I was in Best Buy today and I saw the legendary Christian Weston Chandler in the checkout. When I asked if it was really him he just said “no comment” and avoided eye contact, but that’s not all.
He then opened his wallet and slid me, and I am not making this…
At Stanford there was this Professor who was a total bitch and she taught British Literature, which was cool. Except she taught only her opinions of the books and it didn’t help me as a writer. I went to school to learn new things to improve my craft, not have someone else’s opinions carved onto my forehead.
So anyway, for our final project, she asked us to write a ten page paper on why the color symbolism in Othello was so significant. I did some research and it turned out that she did her entire graduate thesis on this very subject. I was mad. This wasn’t teaching, this was boosting her ego. SO I wrote a ten page essay on why color symbolism in Othello wasn’t significant, satirizing it to the point of no return, saying that her opinion was an opinion and shouldn’t be taken seriously.
SHe failed me, needless to say. So in retaliation, I responded by baking a batch of brownies laced with weed and laxatives and delivered them myself to the professor hours before her big graduation speech. I told her that it was a peace offering, my way of apologizing and asking if I could do anything to fix my grade.
She refused to fix my grade.
In the end, she shit herself on stage.
I didn’t regret it.